


For We Have Fallen

by MadameCissy



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: Christmas, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-04-29 15:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5133442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameCissy/pseuds/MadameCissy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas at the Raydor home. But Sharon's kids notice something isn't exactly right and stage an intervention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of Shandy. Obviously this isn't going to last.
> 
> This came about after a discussion on Tumblr where people suggested Emily and Ricky wouldn't like the idea of their mom dating Andy. 
> 
> Oh, and since Halloween is over..... Let's get Christmas started a little early!

  
_It's like I'm pressing on a bruise_  
_To see if it still hurts_  
_Right now that's all I've got left of you_  
_Everybody knows that just makes it worse_  
_But still I do_

_Brad Paisley – Pressing On A Bruise_

*

"Hey."

He turned around to find his sister Emily stepping out on the balcony carrying two bottles of beer. He smiled as he took one and she returned the smile. The noise of the TV followed her outside until she closed the door. It sounded like John Lennon's "War is Over" and Ricky concluded Rusty was in charge of the music tonight.

"Hi."

Emily looked back over her shoulder at the scene inside. The lights from Christmas tree sparkled behind the window and even with the door closed she could still smell her mother's wonderful cooking. This was what Christmas with their mom was all about. Family and food. It had been her favourite holiday since she was a child, more so than Thanksgiving or Halloween. Christmas felt warm and comforting, even with their somewhat complicated family history. Their mother always did her best to make it special for them.

Emily leaned against the railing without looking at her brother, took a sip from her bottle. She didn't really like beer but it had been the first thing at hand and she needed some kind of excuse to go outside. Casually, she said, "So, Andy Flynn, huh?"

Ricky took a swig from his beer too, swallowed it, rolled his eyes and then shook his head. He turned away from the scene of his mom sitting next to Andy. His hand rested on her knee. She wore that white dress she'd bought two weeks ago. They weren't talking but both appeared to be listening to Rusty, who was using his hands to tell what looked like an animated story. Ricky sighed and focused his gaze back at the street below. The headlights of cars lit up the night.

"This isn't going to end well."

"Oh, thank God."

Ricky's eyebrows shot up at his sister's comment. "What?"

"I was worried I was the only one who can see this end in heartbreak." Emily sounded relieved and she flashed a smile. She and her brother had always been relatively on the same wave length. "But it's not just me, huh?"

Relieved to have found a companion for his feelings, Ricky relaxed a little. "Nope."

Quietly, Emily asked, "What do you think she's doing?"

"I don't know," Ricky admitted. The question had popped up in his head more than once throughout the last few days, least of all today. Something about what he'd seen today didn't feel right. "I've been asking myself that question ever since she introduced him to us as anything other than 'Lieutenant Flynn'."

Emily pursed her lips and picked with a perfectly manicured nail at the label of her bottle. It began to peel away around the edges. "You know, when she said there was someone she wanted us to meet, I couldn't help but wonder..."

"I know. I was thinking the same thing."

Emily's voice was smaller now, as if she was almost embarrassed that they were talking about their mother this way. "Do you think she's afraid?"

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of what we'd say?"

"She knows we wouldn't care." Ricky looked back through the window. Andy had moved closer to Sharon. Her hands were in her lap but his was still on her knee. She was smiling but there was something... Something that was missing, something that wasn't right. Her spine was straight and she didn't look like she was able to relax. There was tension in her body. He could see it even from where he stood.

"I think she's afraid of herself." His voice was flat.

"Mom? Afraid of herself? Come on, this is the woman who stayed married to dad for over twenty years. Are you telling me she did that out of some misplaced Catholic guilt?"

"I don't know." He cast his sister a sideways glance. "I just wasn't expecting... This." He took another swig from the bottle. He wasn't exactly a fan of beer. Drinking wasn't his idea of a good time, not when Jackson Raydor was your father. "All those years... She just kept on talking. I kept expecting to have a different kind of Christmas every time. You know, no longer the three of us. And then Rusty came along and I still kept thinking, 'she'll get there. It'll happen. But it hasn't. And sometimes I wonder if that's what Dad has done to her. Made her afraid to love. Because she loved him, once. She told me. She said he was her entire world and then her world came crashing down."

"So you think she's scared?" Emily asked and Ricky nodded.

"Have you ever met her?"

"Who? Brenda?" Emily asked and her brother looked at her expectantly. "No. You?"

"No. But I feel like I know her better than I do... Well, him." Another glance back through the window. Andy had gotten up and Sharon was now watching her two children on the balcony. There was something in her eyes Ricky couldn't explain. Like she knew they were talking about something she wasn't meant to hear.

Both he and Emily had known Andy Flynn for years and they'd accepted him as their mother's friend. But this year thigs were different. Sharon had invited Andy over for dinner but beforehand informed her children, apart from Rusty as he'd been a witness to it all from the beginning, that she and Andy were exploring a different kind of relationship. It had changed the way Ricky looked at the man he'd considered a friend and now that he found a kindred spirit in his sister, he didn't feel quite as bad about it.

"I always thought that one day she would just be here. The way mom talked about her made it look like it was just a matter of time. I think it's the only time I've ever seen her truly happy." He ruffled his hair and stared down at his feet. "Are we bad people for wishing our mother was with someone else? For talking like this?" There was a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

"I've been wishing she was with someone else for years. Wouldn't you, if you were married to dad?" Emily turned slightly and now leaned with her back against the balcony railing. She was careful not make eye contact with her mother inside, even if she could feel her eyes on her. Years of practice had perfected that skill. "Oh, I don't know. Are we sure she's not happy this way?"

"This way?" Ricky retorted. He almost seemed offended at his sister's comment and his eyes snapped up. "She's settling for second best!"

"You don't know that."

"You look at her and tell me if she looks happy!"

And Emily looked. She saw her mother like she'd never quite seen her before. As a person, not just a parent. And she saw something else. The years of living with their dad, putting up with Jack's antics time after time, etched across her face. And the shadows didn't light up when Andy sat back down beside her and carefully kissed her cheek. She didn't turn to face him, didn't look up to smile. For the first time Emily saw the loneliness in her mother's eyes, the sadness over having lost so much along the way, the loss of everything she had to give up because of the route her life had taken and she turned to look back at her brother. He'd followed her gaze and had seen what she saw.

"What can we do?" she whispered.

"I don't think there's anything we can do. This is something she needs to do herself." He chewed the inside of his cheek. "She needs to find out for herself. Stop hiding, stop running from whatever it is she's running from. She needs to stop trying to save and fix everybody else for once in her life."

"Did you swallow a psychology handbook while I wasn't looking?" Emily nudged his shoulder and chuckled. "You're sounding awfully grown up there, Richard."

Ricky was about to answer when the doors to the balcony opened and Sharon stepped out into the cool December night. She'd been a cop long enough to pick up on how both her children instantly fell silent but she knew better than to ask. They were her children and they had both learnt from the best when it came to pretending things were fine. She first eyed up her son but he was his father's son and he didn't make eye contact. Emily was more approachable.

"Andy's going to pick up some ice cream," she said, pretending she hadn't noticed the change in atmosphere. "Do either of you want anything?"

"Pistachio and coffee," Emily blurted and beside her, Ricky wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"How do you eat that stuff?"

"This from the guy who likes mint and orange ice cream?"

"That really is disgusting," Sharon agreed. "And just for that, you get to go with Andy. He could use the company. Rusty wants chocolate chip and you know what I like."

"Strawberry and cream," Ricky grinned and headed for the door. Just before stepping back inside he looked back at Emily. She met his gaze and he pointed at their mom. "Talk to her," he silently mouthed. Sharon was looking at the view and Emily nodded.

"So," Emily began when Ricky was gone and she'd watched him and Andy leave the living room. Rusty was sprawled out on the couch with the remote but he leapt up at the last second, clearly having changed his mind, and bolted after Ricky and Andy.

"You're going to say you're surprised to see Andy."

Sharon's statement was unexpected and Emily blinked when Sharon looked at her. Her mother had always been able to fix her with just a single glance. "Something along those lines, yes," she admitted. Sharon frowned, clearly surprised that this was indeed what her daughter had been thinking Emily realised the statement hadn't been meant to be as direct as it had sounded.

"Is that what you and Ricky were talking about?"

Busted, Emily thought and she sighed. "We just want you to be happy, Mom. You deserve it after all the misery Dad put you through. It's just..." She looked at her mother from the corner of her eye. She wasn't sure she wanted to take this conversation any further. Talking to Ricky was one thing. Talking to her mother was another. It felt strangely like their roles had been reversed in some perverse way.

Sharon's voice was soft. "What?"

Emily didn't miss the hurt in her mother's voice but answered anyway. "Brenda."

"What about her?"

"You love her, don't you?"

"Emily Mary Raydor," Sharon said sharply and her head snapped up. Upon seeing her mother's blazing eyes, Emily knew she'd crossed into dangerous territory.

"I am not having this conversation with you. Not now, not ever. Understood?"

Emily knew she should let it rest but she'd always been impulsive. It was the one trait that made her more like her father than her mother and it had always been the one thing about her that she knew her mother resented.

"You talked about her all time. She seemed to be the person who made you happiest, even if she pushed all your buttons. I just... I just expected to see her here one Christmas. You know, part of the furniture." She sighed and took a step towards her mother. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. I probably shouldn't have said anything but it's just that whenever you say her name, you smile. And I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that."

She left her mother standing on the balcony and went back inside. She left the door slightly ajar and Sharon was greeted by the familiar tones of Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas". She sighed, turned away from the window and looked out over the street below, her hand securely tightened around the cold railing. The evening was cool but not cold but she huddled a little deeper into her sweater anyway.

Emily's words replayed themselves over and over in her head. _"Whenever you say her name, you smile. And I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that."_ No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get the echo of the words out of her head.

*

Several blocks away, Andy, Rusty and Ricky made their way down the freezer aisle and Rusty effortlessly guided the two men towards the ice cream. Ricky wondered just how often Rusty had dragged their mother down here and when the youngest Raydor child reached into the freezer without even looking and pulled out a tub of strawberry and cream flavoured ice cream, Ricky suspected it was far more often than he'd guessed.

"Lieutenant?"

The sound of a woman's voice made the three men turn around and Rusty dropped the ice cream rather unceremoniously into the trolley that Andy was pushing.

"Chief?" Andy's face lit up. Beside him, Rusty's eyes widened.

"Brenda!"

Ricky's head whipped around at the mention of the name and there, in the middle of the aisle and clutching a basket with two bottles of wine and a bag of potato chips, stood the woman he had heard his mother talk about for years. He was surprised that the image she'd painted was almost perfect. The blonde curls, held back in a messy ponytail, the bright pink floral dress and white cardigan and matching white ballerina pumps and the unmistakable pink lipstick. He really was looking at the illusive Brenda Leigh Johnson.

"Rusty!" Brenda exclaimed and she took a step towards the blonde boy. Then she hesitated, as if to give him a chance to accept or refuse her hug. Ricky watched the exchange with great curiosity and was surprised when Rusty walked into Brenda's arms and hugged her without a moment's hesitation.

"It's good to see you, Brenda," Rusty said when Brenda kissed him softly on his cheek when they parted.

"The kid's right," Andy interjected. He shook Brenda's hand and she smiled too. It was the kind of smile one gave to an old friend "It's been too long." He then turned to Ricky, remembering that he was there and was about to introduce him, but Ricky cut him off.

"Nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you." When Brenda smiled and accepted his hand, he added, "I'm Richard. But most people call me Ricky. Ricky Raydor."

Brenda's eyes widened noticeably at the mention of the last name. "You're Sharon's son!" He didn't miss how Brenda hopefully scanned the aisle only to realise Sharon wasn't with them. She looked back at him somewhat defeated. "Well, I've heard a lot about you too. Your Mama speaks very highly of you. And, if you don't mind me saying, you look just like her." She focused back on Andy, clearly adding the pieces together and trying to work out why he was here with two of Sharon's children. "So what brings you out here?"

"Ice cream," Rusty answered.

Brenda grinned. "Great minds think alike."

"You know, I bet mom would love to see you." It just came out and Ricky felt his cheeks redden slightly. Brenda shot him a sideways glance. "She was only saying this morning that it's been way too long. Would you errr... Would you like to join us? For dessert?"

"I couldn't possibly intrude on your family time," Brenda replied. She wondered to herself what on earth Andy was doing being part of Sharon's family and somewhere she wanted to accept the invitation. But she didn't want to seem too keen. Or too pathetic, she mentally scolded herself.

"Don't be ridiculous." Ricky silently praised Andy for his answer. "Ricky's right. Sharon would love to see you, Chief."

"Well, if ya'll insist. I suppose I could come round for an hour or so."

"Great!" Rusty genuinely sounded delighted. "So I guess I'm getting you double chocolate, right? That is still your favourite?" Next to him Andy frowned briefly, clearly surprised Rusty knew this about Brenda when they had only known each other very briefly before Brenda left the LAPD.

They loaded the trolley full of ice cream and paid. Brenda then followed them to their car and promised she would meet them back at Sharon's place. If Andy was surprised she knew where to go without needing directions, he didn't show it.

When he slipped into the backseat, Ricky dug his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Emily. _Ran into Brenda. I've actually met her. Things are awkward here. She's coming with us. Don't tell Mom."_

Half an hour later, Rusty opened the door to the apartment and walked straight to the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer. Sharon met him there and helped him. She handed him the tubs and he put them away.

"You were gone a long time," she pointed out. "Everything ok?"

"Fine," Rusty answered. "We errr… we just ran into someone, is all."

Sharon's eyes narrowed, clearly trying to identify if the person Rusty had crossed paths with was someone she had to worry about. It couldn't be his mother. She was still in jail. "Really?" It was hard to keep her voice neutral. "Who?"

"Me."

Sharon spun around and her eyes widened when she saw Brenda standing in her kitchen. The blonde smiled. "Hi."

"Brenda." Sharon's voice was suddenly shaky. Inside her chest, something hurt. "Hi."

Behind Brenda, Ricky turned to Emily and whispered, "This is going to be interesting."

Emily quietly pointed at Andy standing in the doorway watching the silent exchange between the two women with an expression that could only be described as a mixture of confusion and regret.

"I'll say," she whispered in return to her brother. "And I am beginning to think that the thing we noticed, he's noticed too."


	2. Chapter 2

It was as if Brenda's arrival had turned the air into the ice. Emily could sense her mother was suddenly walking on egg shells and the look on Andy's face could turn milk sour. They'd all retreated back to the living room fifteen minutes ago and Andy and Ricky were occupying the arm chairs, Rusty sat on the floor in front of the TV and Emily had settled on a couple of cushions in front of her brother, which had left Sharon with the only option of sharing the couch with Brenda. But whereas Ricky seemed quite triumphant, Emily began to wonder if what had happened was actually a good thing because the unhappiness she saw flash through Sharon's eyes was the kind that was usually reserved for her father.

Rusty did his best to keep a conversation going. He asked Brenda about her job at the DA's office and why she never took the promotion in Washington. Brenda explained that she'd been to Washington once and that there were too many bad memories there. Only Sharon, and perhaps Andy, knew and understood that Brenda didn't want to go back to the place where she and Will Pope had once had an affair. Washington wasn't her kind of place anymore.

"So, what are your plans for Christmas, Brenda?" Ricky asked when the conversation stalled again.

"I'm thinkin' about goin' to see my Daddy," Brenda answered. When Ricky looked at her, she added, "In Atlanta."

Sharon shifted a bit on the couch and then put down her empty wineglass. "Brenda?" She spoke the blonde's name softly and the younger woman looked up. She smiled and Sharon felt something snap inside her, like something broke. It didn't take her long to understand what it was because the pain was instant. Behind her glasses her green eyes briefly closed. Brenda was being sweet and Sharon had never been able to cope with Brenda being sweet to her.

"Can I talk to you?" Sharon muttered. She avoided looking at anyone but most all of she avoided looking at Andy. "Alone?"

"Of course."

If Brenda knew what was going on, she did a damn good job at hiding it. But she was trained by the CIA and Sharon remembered that, or at least she tried to, when she opened the balcony door and stepped out into the cool Los Angeles evening air. Brenda followed behind her and pulled the door closed, leaving the people inside with only a guess about what their conversation would be like.

"You know you shouldn't be here," Sharon said. Her hands had closed around the railing and she didn't look at Brenda. She couldn't. But she could feel her eyes in her back.

"I know." Brenda still stood by the door. The Christmas tree lights seemed to reflect on her hair. "But your son asked and I... I didn't want to say no." She chewed her bottom lip. "The truth is, Sharon, I didn't want your kids comin' back here and tellin' you they asked me to come and I'd said no." She watched the brunette standing by the railing. "If I'd known..."

Sharon still didn't turn. "But you do know. Everyone knows."

"About you and Andy Flynn?" Brenda tried not to sound condescending but a trace slipped into her voice anyway. "Yeah, once Andrea found out, everybody knew."

"You know this has nothing to do with..."

"What? Us?" Brenda interjected.

Sharon slowly turned around and found herself breathless. Brenda looked beautiful. Her hair was lit up by the Christmas lights and the pink floral dress and white cardigan somehow... Somehow they were just perfect. She heaved a sigh, the pain in her chest sharper than ever.

"Yes, 'us'." Sharon shook her head. She had not expected to ever say that word out loud. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you and Fritz have separated!" Sharon exclaimed. Frustration had begun to build up and now it poured out of her. "I had to hear it from Andrea! Last week! Five months after it happened, apparently. When were you going to tell me?" Green eyes sought brown and when she saw Brenda's face, something fell into place. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"What difference would it have made?" Brenda tried to keep her voice down, aware that the people on the other side of the door were probably watching them and the thin glass wouldn't be able to hide their voices. "It's not like it would have changed anythin' because here you are, sharin' a cosy Christmas with Andy Flynn of all people and..." Her voice broke and the tears tasted both salty and bitter in the back of her throat. "I didn't tell you, Sharon, because there was no point."

Sharon stared at Brenda. "We talked about this. We talked about how this, us, could only ever be something if it meant that you and Fritz..." She didn't have to finish that sentence because she knew Brenda remembered that promise as much as she did.

The kiss had not been unexpected. Sharon had known it was coming for weeks and when it did, it was just a confirmation of what she already knew, of what they both knew. And the fact that she and Brenda had fallen into her bed on the one night Rusty was away had also not been a shock. They'd been dancing around each other in some twisted game for years, it was bound to come crashing down. But in the harsh light of morning they'd both had to face the fact that Brenda was still married. Sharon had given her a choice, or an ultimatum; Brenda had to choose because she wasn't about to be someone's mistress. Brenda had said her marriage was only shell of what it used to be and Sharon had waited. She had waited for days, weeks, for something that never came and ventually she'd given up.

"Sharon, I needed time. Time to understand what was happenin'. I... I had to tell my husband I was leavin' him and I had to accept for myself that I was doin' it because..." Brenda took a step closer to Sharon but not close enough to enter her personal space. Pleading brown eyes sought for green. "... Because I'd fallen in love with someone else."

"Brenda..."

"Don't say it," Brenda whispered. Tears glistened in her eyes and she smiled. It was a sad smile. The smile of a woman who had reconciled herself with her fate. "I know it's happenin'. I can see it but please, I...I don't want to hear it. Please."

She turned on her heel and reached out to open the door. But suddenly Sharon was behind her and Brenda felt the older woman's hand on her shoulder. She froze. Neither dared to look up, afraid to see the people on the other side of the glass, and to see their own reflection. Both of them were aware of what they were doing, what was happening, but neither could look up to face it. It was fragile and it was all about to fall apart in their hands.

Sharon's hand dropped down, briefly grazed over Brenda's hip and then fell to the side of her body. But the touch was enough to spark the memories and Brenda slowly turned to find Sharon's eyes, bright and full of fire, looking at her. She saw the raw emotions, everything Sharon normally kept safely locked away inside. She looked open and honest, with nothing to hide and everything to lose.

"Brenda," she said. The pain was nearly strangling her. "We can't do this now."

"I know," Brenda softly replied. "I think it's best if I just go."

Sharon didn't get a chance to object because Brenda opened the door and stepped back into the condo. Instantly she felt four sets of eyes on her and she smiled. Her southern charm and her ability to lie through her teeth came in useful right at this moment and she briefly looked around the room.

"Well, I think it's time for me to go. I've taken up enough of your time and I'll let ya'll get on with your family night." She singled out Ricky and Rusty and did her best to avoid Andy. "Thank you for invitin' me."

"You're leaving?" Ricky asked.

Emily's eyes snapped towards the balcony door and watched as her mother entered. Sharon looked down at the floor and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I've got a big meetin' tomorrow and I'm meant to read a stack of files and I haven't even started yet." Brenda giggled and she picked up her purse, swung it over her shoulder and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "It was so nice to see ya'll. Maybe we can grab a coffee some time?"

"I'll text you," Rusty promised.

Andy stood up from his seat, crossed the living room and shook Brenda's hand. Sharon looked on from across the room. She noticed the twitch in Brenda's spine and the way Andy's hand was a little more wooden than normal. They were standing in front of each other as old friends and perhaps, to an extent, new enemies. Sharon suddenly felt sick. Oh, God.

Sharon followed Brenda to the front door and, finally away from prying eyes, and without giving Brenda any warning, she pushed the blonde into the corner before the younger woman could leave. Brenda stiffened for a split second but then relaxed under Sharon's familiar touch. They both heard the voices in the living room, the noise from the TV, were both aware Sharon's kids and Andy were right there and yet it felt like, right now, there was only them.

Sharon leant in. Slowly, as if to give Brenda a choice to move away. But Brenda didn't move. Her eyes dropped to Sharon's lips and she watched, waited, her breath catching in the back of her throat when she felt Sharon's fingers graze the inside of her wrist.

"Mom?"

They jumped apart at the sound of approaching footsteps and Rusty's voice and Brenda sprinted to the door. There she stopped, her hand on the door handle, and turned. Rusty was watching them, both of them, with a scrutinising gaze and Brenda wondered how much he knew.

"Goodnight, Rusty," Brenda smiled and her eyes drifted back to Sharon. She looked lost, broken. "Goodnight, Sharon." She said it softly, like she didn't want to say it at all, and opened the door. When it closed behind her and she was gone, Rusty turned to his mother.

"You can't do this," he said and Sharon's eyes snapped up in surprise. Her youngest son looked back at her almost defiantly and Sharon recognised some of the anger he had harboured years ago. "You can't keep going back and forth. It's not fair."

"Rusty," she sighed and looked over his shoulder in the direction of the living room. "Oh Rusty, you knew?"

"Yeah, of course I knew!" he answered and rolled his eyes. "Even a blind man can see it! I don't think there's anybody out there who doesn't know!" Rusty jerked his head towards the living room and Sharon knew what he was trying to say.

"Andy." Sharon let her head fall back and her eyes closed. Guilt settled in her chest, crushing her slowly.

"Yeah." Rusty ruffled his hair. "Listen, I know this is none of my business but if Brenda's going to come round again..." He seemed to consider his choice of words carefully. "I like Andy, I really do, but I never understood why suddenly you decided to go out with him after saying you were just friends. And then... Then I saw you with Brenda and I knew."

"Ok," Sharon agreed. She wasn't about to have this conversation with her almost twenty year old son. It had been bad enough that Emily brought it up but to find that not only her daughter but also one of her sons had his suspicions… she wasn't ready for that. "Ok." She put a hand on Rusty's shoulder. "I'll talk to him."

Together they walked back into the living room and Sharon felt three other sets of eyes on her. Emily and Ricky looked at her with anticipation but it was Andy who drew her attention. He sat in the arm chair, his eyes focused on the floor, his hands folded in his lap. His shoulders had slumped, like the weight of the world rested on them and as she walked in he stood up, smoothed out his shirt and then looked up. Sharon saw it in his eyes before he spoke. The hurt, the loss... She knew he knew.

"I think I'm gonna call it a night," he said and smiled. The smile was fake. It didn't reach his eyes. She wasn't sure if she was grateful he was trying to act normal or resented him for it because it didn't matter how they looked at it, something had changed.

"Sharon, thank you so much for a lovely evening."

"I'll walk you to your car," Sharon offered and she didn't look at Rusty but felt his eyes on her anyway. She started for the door, picked up her keys and waited for Andy to join her. Her heart pounded in her head and her throat felt dry.

They rode the elevator down to the parking lot in silence. Sharon stared at her feet, Andy at the wall. She couldn't bring herself to l0ok at him, afraid of what she might see. When the doors opened and revealed Andy's car parked right across from it, they both stepped out. Their footsteps echoed through the parking lot. The sound was almost haunting.

He didn't speak until they reached the car. "Why didn't you tell me?" Andy's voice betrayed his hurt.

Sharon sighed. "Andy, I..."

He didn't let her finish. "You know, I always wondered what changed. Why, after all this time, you finally agreed to go out with me. But now I know." He looked at her with those big kind eyes she'd grown so fond off and she wondered just how long he'd known because it went beyond tonight, she could see that now. "You chose me because you couldn't choose her."

Sharon softly whispered, "Andy, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Maybe it's best if we just go back to how things used to be," he suggested. He sadly smiled and reached for her hand. He'd held it many times before but it felt different this time. Final. An end. "It's been good while it lasted, Sharon, but I'm not blind. I've seen the way she looked at you just now, the way you looked at her. It is the same way you used to look at her in the Murder Room. I should have known, and maybe I did, but I'm not exactly good at relationships, and maybe I just wanted to think that something had changed."

"Something has changed," Sharon agreed. "And I'm sorry."

He leant in and kissed her softly on her cheek. It was a kiss from a friend who said goodbye to something they knew they'd lost. Sharon watched Andy get in his car and leave the parking lot. She remained standing there, in the semi darkness, long after he'd gone because she just didn't know where else to go from here.

When she finally walked back into her condo she found Emily and Ricky in the kitchen. They were putting the wine glasses in the dish washer. She could sense something was off, like they'd all fallen silent when they'd heard the key in the door. She was a mother. She knew when her kids were hiding something from her. She had raised them pretty much on her own and she knew them, probably better than any of them knew themselves.

"What's going on?" she asked, singling out Rusty on the couch because, as awful as it sounded, she knew he'd be the least likely to lie to her.

Ricky came to his younger brother's aid. "We were just talking."

Sharon's eyes narrowed when she noticed Emily still wasn't looking at her and she remembered the conversation they'd had only earlier that night. "About…."

"Brenda. We were talking about Brenda." Emily shut the dishwasher and turned around. "There. I said it."

Sharon took a deep breath and raised her hands up in the air. "OK, so I know that the three are you are aware that Brenda and I…"

"Are in love with each other?" Ricky cut in and Sharon shot him a warning glance.

"Are…. Trying to work some things out, is what I was going to say," she said slowly. "But thank you, Ricky, for your input." She chewed her lip. "I also now know that you were all far more aware of what was going on than I thought and for that, I owe you an apology."

"An apology?" Emily crossed the room. "Mom, we don't need an apology. All we want is for you to be happy. Yeah, I get it must be difficult to admit to yourself that you're in love with someone of the same gender…"

"You have no idea," Rusty chimed in, a smile so bright it lit up the entire room plastered across his face. "But once you get used to the idea, it isn't so bad."

"We watched you be miserable because of Dad for most of our lives. You made sacrifices for all of us. You even made sacrifices for Dad when he didn't deserve them. And we got to know Brenda and we saw she made you happy. I know it's difficult because she's married."

"Was," Sharon corrected her daughter and Emily arched an eyebrow. "Brenda was married. She and her husband separated five months ago."

"She got divorced?" Ricky exclaimed. "Then what the hell was Andy still doing here?!"

Sharon sighed and looked around the room. Her children had all grown up to be beautiful people but there were still many lessons they had to learn about life. "You're young. Life isn't always as simple as it seems. Sometimes, there are other things to consider and you have to make choices that aren't always easy."

"OK, so life sucks sometimes, we get it," Rusty concluded and Ricky snickered. "But it doesn't have to suck, right?"

He looked at her with pleading eyes and she knew what he was trying to say. She slowly nodded, the hint of a smile forming on her lips. "Right."

Two hours later, when the Raydor household had gone quiet and everyone was asleep, Sharon closed the door to her condo behind her, slipped her keys into her pocket and rode the elevator down to the parking lot. She got into her car, took a deep breath and drove off into the night.

Twenty minutes later she parked up outside the duplex Brenda had shared with Fritz but was now just Brenda's and she saw the light was still on. There were Christmas lights in one of the trees in the front yard and a wreath decorated the front door. She knocked without hesitation and waited. Footsteps approached and she heard a key being turned. Then the door opened and Brenda appeared, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a white sleeveless top. She'd bound her curls into a messy ponytail. Brown eyes widened when she saw Sharon.

"Sharon? What are you doin' here?" she asked softly.

Sharon just stepped closer, pressed her lips against Brenda's and tasted the sweetness that was a mixture of chocolate and wine. She'd never tasted heaven before but she was sure that this was it. She slowly pulled away and green eyes found brown ones and she smiled.

"Merry Christmas, Brenda."


End file.
